God is in the shit

So, the black cloud has burst. My life has completely changed in the last 2 weeks. I am no longer going to work in the church. I have to say that I am hurt and I am angry. Why am I so different from the average always happy Christian? The church has got to be the most fake place I have ever been a part of. What makes us think that we all need to be perfect and have it all together? Where did we go wrong? We are supposed to be the communities that walk life with each other. Not the ones that hide who we really are from each other and the rest of the world!

I am no longer going to work in the church, because I was honest about the black cloud in my life. And of course, "if I don't have everything together, then there is NO WAY I should ever be allowed to lead others." Well, I think that is a load of CRAP!

I am different than the others. I am real about my life, and right now, my life is not great. There is shit that continues to fly at me daily, and I need the people in my life to know where I am and walk through this season of life with me.

You know, the funny thing is that I believe with all of my heart that we find God and get to know Him more in the midst of our shit. When we have nothing or no one else to lean on, He is there. I believe that He cares about our pain, my pain.

I am struck by the fact that God knows what it means to suffer. He knows what it means to be hated, to be judged, to be an outcast, to not be understood, to be wrongly accused, to have people that He loves betray Him, and to ultimately be killed.

Sometimes I forget that He knows and He cares.

I can only hope and pray that maybe someday the communities that call themselves followers of Christ will actually admit that they suffer with Christ. Maybe someday, we can accept that we are all screwed up and hurting and that we are all desperate for Christ. Maybe, just maybe we will get over our arrogance and pride and be real about who we really are.