Praise in the Park!

I thought I would finally go and see what all the fuss was about. Each summer I see advertisements for "Praise in the Park." Now that I live up north, today was the prime opportunity for me to do some praisin in the park of my own. I pulled up amongst hundreds of cars with the fish eating the Darwin symbol on the back, and the hundreds of people all dressed up in their finest Christian T-shirts. 2 1/2 songs into this show... I had my purse and my lawn chair packed up and was walking to my car in absolute disgust. I was somewhat questioning whether or not I was even a "Christian." I literally left feeling, angry, depressed and completely alone. It is not my place to judge these people at all. I hope that all 1000+ of them love God and serve Him. But it is NOT me! None of it is me! In my eyes, it is all a stupid, superficial show!

There was a tent where I could register to win a free "Blessing Pack" complete with a Praise in the Park T-shirt, cup and free Rockies tickets! WOO HOOO!!!! (I felt so blessed!) Then... Pastor Blah Blah Blah from the stage told me that he and Pastor Blah Blah Blah the 2nd had not blessed the publications that were being handed out to the crowd of crazy Christians. (Too bad the flyer that was handed to me was the only part of the event that I agreed with. It was an invitation to mentor troubled youth at a place called the "Matthew House.") I guess I won't volunteer there though, since Pastor Blah Blah Blah did not personally bless that flyer!

Then, there was the prayer tent, where the shiny, happy people wearing rainbow t-shirts were ready to pray with me over my sin and brokenness! WOO HOOOO!!!! I have been waiting all my life for such a tent!

Amidst the flag waving, jumping up and down, rainbow t-shirt wearing "praise", I felt totally lost and totally alone! I am thinking of starting a support group called the "All American Church Rejects!" I could be the President!

As I was walking through the crowd on my way out, I was astonished by the lack of enthusiasm in the "Worshippers." I actually walked by a woman standing alone, stooped over kindof mouthing the words to "My Redeemer Lives" while frowning. Hmmm... I am confused! I am somewhat excited that my Redeemer Lives!

I guess my whole complaint about today's Christian culture events is that they are all "us" focused! I can't imagine that one of those people there were NOT believers (although Pastor Blah Blah Blah made sure to ask that the believers in the crowd raise their hands! AHHHHHHH!!!!) What is the point of events such as this? Guaranteed that event cost $20,000+. And what is the fruit from such an event? I could not stand to be there as a believer. If I had brought one of my non-believing friends, they would have run away and never spoken to me again.

I don't know, I guess my heart just hurts. I feel like a refugee from the church who still loves Christ and loves His people. I feel like my relationship with God is just totally different than everyone else's. I just don't fit in. Now the question is why? Why did God make me like this? Or, did he not make me like this, and I am just a judgmental, angry person? I guess that is TBD. I am going to embark in a journey of prayer to search my heart and the heart of God for the answer to that question.

If any of you out there feel at all like I do, please share your story and your wisdom. What do we do? How does God want to use us?

No wonder I can't sleep :)