I heard more from the Lord last night than I have in a LONG time. Nick's parents bought us tickets to see Todd Agnew in concert. My first thoughts...Todd Agnew is one of those cheesy KLOVE artists, I have no desire to see him in concert, I am too tired and too busy to waste a week night on something like this. However, when someone buys you concert tickets, you go. So, with an already poor attitude, I went.
Needless to say, the Lord most often meets me in my bad attitudes and teaches me a lesson. Last night was no exception.
Todd Agnew was having a bad day. I mean a really bad day! The great thing about it was that he did not just put on his happy, clappy, fake Christian face and do his concert. He was real, he was honest, he was broken, he was authentic, he was raw! I connected, I engaged, I encountered God through his suffering, which in a way parallels my own.
Todd's new album is called "Better Questions." Meaning, sometimes we have better questions about God than we have answers. He posed many of those questions as part of his concert, yet his bad day invaded the script, and the real life questions began to emerge. By the end of the night, this guy was pouring out his heartache and hurt about the church, the Christian music industry and life as a believer. He even seemed on the verge of a complete breakdown.
It made me sad for him, sad for myself, and yet the burning passion I have for church change came raging through my body like a wild fire. I have not felt that in a long time. His questions are good, his hurt is valid, his concerns about the church are real.
Many people in the crowd were un-comfortable and even angry that they paid money to come to a concert where the artist did not present the typical polished show. I was thankful and moved. I sure miss being a part of the conversation. I don't understand why, but God has wired me to think like this.
I have said it before, and I will say it again, most of the time I feel like a refugee from the church. I don't feel like I fit in. I don't feel like a part. I have such a desire to serve and use my gifts, and I never feel welcomed to do so.
I am currently in a dark season when it comes to church. I just want to take a break from it all. How come I am so different? Why do I get so upset? Todd Agnew and I share many of the same questions and the same frustrations. I wholeheartedly believe that they are good questions to be asking. I only need to pray that the Lord would not allow my heart to grow cold and hard towards the church as a result.
I am looking for conversation, I am looking for others who feel the same way. I love God and I am passionate about church, yet I find myself very negative towards the church and those who call themselves the church.
All that to say, I am not a raging fan of Todd Agnew's music, but now I feel like I know his heart, and I think he is a pretty amazing guy! Thanks for being real Todd!
