12.31.2006

2006- The Good, The Bad and The Ugly...














My personal look back at 2006...

Here I sit. 9:34pm on December 31, 2006. Less than 3 hours left in this year. It feels like it has gone by so fast, yet in reality, this year has included so much crap, it is hard to believe that it is just now the New Year.

I know we all have hopes that 2007 will be a better year for us personally and for us collectively. Yet, this year, my desire for change in the New Year seems to be greater than ever before. As I reflect back on 2006, I can still feel the scars on my heart from so many difficult and trying situations for me personally and around the world. Maybe it is just because I am getting older, but life continues to get harder. I don't want this to be a totally pessimistic response to this past year, as I have much to be thankful for. I have a wonderful, loving husband, a great family, a roof over my head and plenty of food to eat. Most importantly, I have a loving Savior who continues to pursue me and use me in spite of myself. He is more than enough!

As a Christ Follower, I look back over 2006 and it is difficult to see anything at all. I feel as though I have been in a deep valley trying to make my way through dense fog. Nothing makes sense to me. The year began as I left the only job I have ever loved. I know I am called to work with students and love them as Christ would. Yet, that does not seem to be the season I find myself in. The year continued as my husband and I moved north to be a part of a church plant. We felt so good about our decision to move, yet it has been one of the hardest things we have done together thus far. There are no words to describe leaving behind everything and everyone you love and venturing out in faith to start life over. The church is a beautiful expression of Christ to our city. It is by far one of the most unique communities we have seen. However, not once has this been what we expected, and not once has it been what we would call comfortable.

I am beginning to discover the humongous disconnect between the things that I want out of this world, and the things that God values in this world. They are night and day. Being a 27 year old, I am ready for the nice house, stable income,lots of insurance, cute little family with a nice car and my cute little dogs. Does anyone truly have those things? I am beginning to wonder.

What does Christ desire to see in my life this next year? It is such a blur to me. I do not understand, but at least I am asking.

My heart bears the scars of the deep sadness of war in our world, of not feeling like a part of God's church, of the downfall of trusted leaders and friends in my life. Life and death, health and suffering, wants vs. needs, accepting truth and dealing with its consequences.

2006 has been the worst year of my life health wise. I have learned the hard way how to slow down my life and be thankful for an hour of feeling good. I don't know that I would have learned these lessons any other way. For that I am grateful. I hold fear in my heart that 2007 will be the same, for even as I sit here and write these random thoughts, my headache rages on.

2 hours and counting...

God is good to me. He has never failed me! Yet, disappointment is the word I would use to describe this past year. I guess things never turn out the way that we would have them to. And, I know that is a good thing. Just hard to swallow sometimes.

My prayers for 2007 include...

-Direction and vision from God as to how to use my gifts to Glorify Him and serve His people.
-Protection for my amazing marriage
-To re-connect with friends far away. There is such a void in my life without them.
-Financial provision for my family
-Healing, comfort and restoration for Pastor Ted
-A wonderful, new leader for New Life Church
-Healing for my illness
-That I may be more like Christ everyday in 2007

I have a genuine hope that 2007 will bring a new song for me. One of celebration and praise. Please join me in praying for these things and for our generation, that we may be used by God to change the world! That people all over the world would come to know the hope that can only come from God, and that each one of us would find our strength in the joy of the Lord!

May we learn from 2006 and be equipped for 2007. Wishing all of you many blessings for the New Year!

-Kristi

12.14.2006

The Wrong Place at the Right Time














For those who read my blog on occasion, I have been sick the past few weeks, and have missed writing. But a few Saturdays ago, I had quite the day, and I learned a lot, so I am going to share...

The day started out normal with me sitting in my office doing absolutely nothing (typical Saturday for me). In the distance I heard the faint sound of sirens and didn't think much of it until they came racing into the parking lot of my apartment complex. (I am the property manager for my complex) It is my responsibility to take care of our property and our residents, so naturally, I locked up the office quickly and ran to meet the emergency workers.

My first job when I moved to this new city was working at Hallmark (A nightmare in and of itself). But, while I was working there, I met this sweet lady named Sally. She came in almost every day I worked to buy chocolate. She and I would talk about life, friends, family and most of all her beloved cats. Sally was much older than me and was obviously very ill with some sort of disease. I never asked her about it, but I knew.

I explained to the EMT's who I was and asked what the problem was. As I walked around the corner, I saw Sally on the ground. I didn't even know she lived in my complex, but there she was, convulsing and throwing up blood in the hall. Thankfully, I remembered her name and held her hand as they loaded her onto the stretcher and into the ambulance. They whisked her off to the ER, and I thought for sure that she was going to die.

After the ambulance left, I noticed that they had left some of her personal belongings in the hall, along with a big bucket of blood. EWW!!! Those of you who know me, know that I don't deal well with that at all! Then, my mind started wondering why she was in the hall and not in her apartment? So, I walked back to my office, got the keys to her apartment and headed back over there to put her things in her apartment and dump the bucket of blood. I could not just leave it in the hall. :(

I turned the key to her apartment, and immediately her cat came running towards me. He seemed frantic. As I opened the door, I saw something I have never seen, and hope I will never see again. I have seen messy homes before, but there are no words to describe what I saw. It was the most rank, foul, horrible, terrible place I have ever seen. There was crap and trash and junk piled from floor to ceiling. It was very apparent that she has never once cleaned in the 4 years that she has lived there. I set her things on top of a pile, and went around the corner to dump the blood. I was taken aback by hundreds of empty bottles of alcohol. There was not even a path to walk. She didn't even have a bed. There were plants growing out of the sink, and there was no way to even get to the laundry room or kitchen. I freaked out! I couldn't believe it. So, I just set the bucket of blood on top of a pile and ran out of there. I was near tears as I realized that she lives in this filth and will not allow anyone into her life. I began wondering what illness she had, and why she would be drinking herself to death. One of our other staff members came into the office, and I was obviously upset. I told her the story, and she offered to go back in with me to dump the blood. We put on gloves and masks and held hands as we went in. YES, it was that bad! Our experience got worse from there as we attempted to go in the bathroom. I will spare you details.

Turns out, Sally has liver and stomach cancer. She survived and is back home. I have not gone to see her yet, nor have we confronted her about her apartment. But, I realized how important it is to smile at strangers and be polite and pleasant to everyone we meet. The relationship I built with her at Hallmark was more important than I knew. She is all alone. You never know what someones life is like. You never know the hurt and pain that live within that persons heart. I now pray for Sally each day, and hope that I get the chance to get to know her better before her death. I also learned that it is mandatory to clean my house well each week! :) ha ha ha.

After work that day, I jumped in the car and drove to Denver to see my husband and his band lead worship at a church down there. I was tired, shook up and not feeling well at all, but felt like I needed to go. The service was fine, nothing exciting, and I was feeling worse by the hour. So, I said my good byes and headed towards the car to drive home. There was a lady in a wheelchair sitting by the front door. I said hello and asked her if she had a ride home. She told me that RTD was supposed to pick her up and that they were late. I asked her if she wanted me to stay with her until they came. She said yes. Inspite of my health, I stayed. Her name was Cindy and she had a stroke when she was 30 years old. She has been paralyzed ever since. That was 20 years ago. She is the most incredible woman I have ever met. She lives in a nursing home and cannot get out of her wheelchair. She is the most positive and faithful person I have met. She is full of joy in the Lord. I was able to hear all about her life, her faith, her family and more. It turned out that RTD had totally forgotten her. So, 3 hours later and many phone calls to RTD and her nursing home, we got her back on her way. I learned more from her that night than I had in a long time. She truly considers it a joy to suffer like Christ. I was humbled that I even got the opportunity to hang out with such a woman.

It was obvious to me that God put me in those specific situations that day to teach me about my own life and my own pain. we get to choose how we handle lifes trials. Sally chooses to drink away her pain and loneliness. Cindy chooses to live life to the fullest and serve Christ with all that she has. I feel privileged to know both women, and I can only hope that I can be more like Cindy as I grow in my faith, and that I can be a light to Sally as she journey's towards death.

"May I never miss a sunset or a rainbow because I was sitting down!"

12.06.2006

Thechurchyouknow.com

Check out this site!!

Friggin' hilarious! And sadly, very true! I am still laughing!

11.10.2006

Holy Spirit

















The Armor of God
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." -Ephesians 6:10-18 NIV



This verse became very real in my life today. Considering the season that the world is currently in, I believe this verse is even more critical to our generation than ever before! I pray that you have an encounter with the Holy Spirit today that will change your life! May we as followers of Christ clothe ourselves with the armor of God!

11.07.2006

11.06.2006

Please Vote!!











Dear Friends,
Please vote on Tuesday! Please pray over the responsibility that you have in choosing our laws and our government officials. I am so passionate about my generation and how God is using us!

MAY GOD USE OUR GENERATION TO CHANGE THE WORLD!

Let your voice be heard, and may God's will be done tomorrow!

11.05.2006

A sad, dark day
















My heart is grieving and mourning. It is a sad and dark day for all of us who follow Christ. May we be reminded of our own sin and our own need for a Savior! God displayed ultimate forgiveness on the cross. May our hearts seek to forgive the wrong doings of one of our own. I could not be more proud of Pastor Ross and New Life Church!

11.04.2006

My support for New Life Church...















Thank you to those of you who have sent comments to me about my support for Pastor Ted Haggard. I first went to New Life Church 6 years ago. A New Life Pastor was a part of my wedding ceremony, and my husband graduated from the New Life School of Worship. I know many of the staff members personally, along with many members. I love that church! I love those people! I believe with all of my heart that Pastor Ted is a wonderful man of God and an incredible leader! I am deeply saddened, confused and angered by this week's events. I plan on attending the New Life gathering tomorrow to hear from them what is really going on. Some of you have asked if I will still support Pastor Ted if these allegations turn out to be true. My answer is yes. He has had a significant impact in my life for many years. I love him dearly as my spiritual leader. Of course, I do not understand why this happened. I am upset, and frustrated! But, I realize that Pastor Ted is a human being just like me. I make mistakes. He makes mistakes. I will always have a special place for him in my heart. As for New Life Church, it will go on. It is one of the strongest communities of believers that I have ever been a part of. Pastor Ted is a phenomenal leader, and his legacy at New Life will show that. There are so many wonderful pastors there. New Life Church has impacted the entire world. I am humbled and blessed by the amount of support pouring in from all over the world. Please continue to pray for Pastor Ted, his family and New Life Church during this terrible time!

10.23.2006

Dear Catholic Friends...






















Here is one of the latest comments I received on one of my blog entries...

Anonymous said...
"I've been trying recently to read about the Emerging/Emergent church movement, and I keep bumping into one question I just can't seem to answer: What questions is the movement trying to answer that have not been addressed by the Catholic Church for hundreds of years? Things like being "missional" and raising up in followers a lived, "monastic" type faith are par for the course in Catholicism, fully expected and fully effective. The key difference seems to me similar to the key break between Catholicism and Protestantism: How do we interpret the Bible? Should interpretation be left to men who have had years of graduate training in theological study and traditional interpretation, or should untrained individuals with access to nothing but translations of the text be allowed to read any portion out of context and declare it authoritative?

I don't mean to sound aggressive. I really don't. I just don't understand why Protestantism has felt as though it has to come up with a new style of church for every new generation. There have been liturgical Protestants, Evangelical Protestants, and Emergent Protestants, just to name a few, but all the while, somehow, the Catholic Church has still managed to attract members from all walks of life to unity through the Eucharist with a bond of theology that is understood to be True. It still has, by far, more members than all Protestant denominations combined, and I can't help but feel like the different types of Protestant churches only increase the division and hostility among the Body of Christ.

I'm not really comfortable posting my email address on here or anything, but I'd really love to get a response from you somehow, so if you could maybe post a response reply or a response entry, that'd be really cool.

Thanks for responding if you do, and thanks for reading this even if you don't."




I love these questions! Thank you so much for taking the time to think through and pose them! First, let me say that some of my favorite friends are evangelical Catholics. I am continually humbled by their faith and the way they live their lives for Christ. I have attended Catholic mass many times over the years.

I agree with you that the division among churches/denominations makes it difficult for outsiders to view all of us as one church. It totally bums me out that we are so competitive among ourselves, and that we would speak poorly of one another. I believe that God grieves over our petty differences.

You are right! The Emergent movement has many similarities to the Catholic Church. In my experience, the emerging church desires to put focus back on being a "missional" church, and it seeks to combine the ancient traditions of our faith with new ways of expressing it. The funny thing about the emergent church is that no two of them are the same. It is hard to actually define it.

In my case, I am a young woman in the church who loves God, and wants to be a part of a church that has true passion and vision for reaching the lost and serving the less fortunate. Personally, I connect with and experience God through music and creative arts. I am passionate about creating sacred spaces that help others focus on God's Word and in prayer. It doesn't matter to me whether they are Catholic or Protestant. I believe there are things about all churches that need serious thought and re-consideration. That is why I love being a part of this conversation!

As for your question about needing to redefine church for new generations, I see your point. However, I believe that you can be relevant to today's culture while standing firm on the absolutes of the Christian faith. My biggest issue with today's churches of all kinds is their lack of acceptance of the younger generations and the way they express themselves.

I plan on writing a new entry this week about your question of who is qualified to teach God's Word. So, please check that out.

What it all comes down to is this...I love my Catholic brothers and sisters in Christ. I hope they will love me the same. My prayer is that we would put our differences aside and strive to know and love God with all that we are and serve Him and His people for the rest of our lives here on earth.

Thanks again for your comment. Please keep up the conversation!
In His Grace,
Kristi

10.22.2006

Remember...













There are days when you just cannot escape the Holy Spirit. Today is one of those days for me. My heart is humbled and broken. My spirit yearns to commune with my Father. It is a day of remembering who I am in Christ and all that implies for my life as a follower of Him. It is so important to remember where we have been and where we are going. God is good, no matter what our current circumstances. He wants to use us to change the world. May we be sensitive to His spirit today!

You cause the lame to walk
You open lips to talk
You're everything
That is who You are
You calm the storms at night
You turn the dark to light
You're everything
That is who You are
My Savior
My Healer
Redeemer
That is Who You Are
Creator
My Maker
My Father
That is Who You Are

-Desperation Band 2006- Album: Who You Are- Integrity Music

10.21.2006

xxxchurch







Right on! I love this ministry! It is near and dear to my heart! As a woman who follows Christ, my heart breaks for the women who find themselves involved in the porn industry. I cannot imagine the sadness and emptiness that envelopes their lives.

If you have not heard of xxxchurch.com, you have GOT to check it out today! Some of you are thinking that this is more than rethinking church, this crosses a line. I hear you! But, I also hear the statistics that 50% or more of today's pastors in the church struggle with addiction to pornography! That is ASTOUNDING! I also hear that convention hotels love to book Christian conferences, because they make so much more money off of the porn movies in the hotel rooms during the conference vs. a secular conference.

From the depths of who God created me to be, I hate pornography! I hate everything about it! I hate what is does to men who become addicted, I hate that it ruins marriages, I hate that it exploits women and belittles who God made them to be, I hate that the church wont talk about it, I hate that it promotes such an image driven society for young girls, I hate everything about it!

I gotta tell you, there are pastors, denominations, ministries coming out against what xxxchurch is doing. I LOVE WHAT THEY ARE DOING! I will say it proudly...
I believe that Jesus Christ loves Porn Stars just like he loves screwed up, little me!


















I believe what the bible says abut Jesus spending his time with the poor, the repulsive, the tax collectors and the prostitutes. Why do we think that we are better than them today? Jesus calls us to "Go and Make Disciples of all Nations!" Matthew 28. Does that mean all nations except those with sinners? Or those with Porn Stars? What is the difference between prison ministry and what xxxchurch is doing? THERE IS NOT ONE!

Please check out this incredible new ministry! You can be their friend on myspace by logging onto www.myspace.com/xxxchurch

If you or someone you know struggles with Internet pornography, xxxchurch.com offers a free software to help keep you accountable.

May we be a generation of people who follow Christ and love all people (even porn stars and porn addicts) for Him!

I would love to work with these guys! Right On!

10.09.2006

Shame on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







Check out this website...
http://www.apprising.org/archives/2006/08/rob_bell_a_very.html


This makes me physically ill. Here is my written response to them...

Dear Apprising Staff/ Writers

As a fellow follower of Christ, I am deeply saddened by the content of your web page!! I am a 26 year old, Christ Follower who loves God with all that I am. I feel personally attacked by your articles on Rob Bell and on the Emerging Church. I listen to Rob's messages, I have taken a class from him on preaching and teaching, and I have also attended the Emergent Convention. I am not a neo-liberal cultist! I am a person who desperately wants to see my generation come to know Christ, and live their lives for His Renown! Rob Bell has taught me so much about the Bible. My deepest prayer is that the church would stop attacking one another. Rob Bell believes and teaches the absolutes of the Christian Faith! Although he may differ from you on interpretations or deductions from the Bible, does not mean he is wrong and you are right. Nor does it mean that he is right and you are wrong! Who are we to proclaim that we perfectly understand God and His Word? How does what you are doing edify the body of Christ? Do you really believe that people who listen to Rob Bell are going to hell? And that people who associate themselves with the emergent movement are all heretics? I am pleading with you to search your heart and search God's Word, and be thankful that people like Rob Bell have the ability to reach an audience that others don't, and that people who are attracted to the Emergent movement feel like they can be a part of the church. Don't forget your primary purpose! And, please don't judge me based on your personal stereotypes! And, I will try not to be angry with and judge you!

Kristi Carleton

I hope and pray that I do not treat people like this! Oh, I am SO sad!

Hells Best Kept Secret


















I received this comment on my latest blog entry "True Church"...

Hi there Kristi, My names Peter. Just passing through and took a little time to read through some of your postings and thought boy could you use a visit to Hells best kept secret. Please go to http://www.livingwaters.com/listenwatch.shtml and watch it. i believe it will answer all your skepticism about the church and your own salvation. God bless you and may I also suggest try going to a calvary chapel near you. No membership required and No offering plate passed around. http://calvarychapel.org/ any ?'s u can e-mail me at (blacked out for privacy) thank you for your time....

For those of you involved in the rethinking church conversation, you MUST check out the link that he offered called "Hells Best Kept Secret."

I very much appreciate Peter taking time to read this blog and joining in the conversation. However, this message goes against everything that I believe, and I think it is an important discussion!

I am sure that most of you have heard of Rob Bell (The teaching pastor at Mars Hill Church.) And the supposed false teacher heretic according to my last blog's article. :( He has put out a series of short films called "Nooma" In this series, there is a film entitled "Bullhorn" It is one of my favorite films. Please check it out. It is a direct response to "Hells Best Kept Secret"

In the short film "Bullhorn," You are viewing a scene in which Rob and his friend are on their way to a concert, and as they approach the venue, they see and hear a man on a bullhorn screaming about Repentance, Sin and Hell. The film goes on to share about bullhorn guys life and his street ministry. The film also shows the response of the passerby to his ranting and screaming. You can imagine that the response was not a positive one. Then, you sit with Rob on a bus bench as he implores these "Bullhorn guys" to lay their bullhorns down. Rob blatantly states that it is because of bullhorn guys and those like them that Christianity is looked down upon, and that non-believers think we are arrogant and hypocritical.

I have personally encountered these "bullhorn" types, and it absolutely breaks my heart. My heart breaks for them and for those who are exposed to their so called ministry. I am all for preaching the Word of God and trying to bring light to dark places. But at the same time, I know from experience that preaching does not change lives! Relationships do! You have to meet people and love them where they are.

I appreciate the passion of those who do street ministry. I just wish they would use that passion in a different capacity that would be more effective for the Kingdom!

I want to be up front about my responses to comments posted on this blog, so here is my response to Peter...

My name is Kristi Carleton. You recently posted a comment on my blog rethinking church. I did visit the links that you provided. I have placed a response on my blog. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and your opinions. However, I do not share your views. May we agree to disagree for the sake of the Kingdom!

In His Grace,
Kristi


This is in no way meant to offend Peter. This is merely a conversation starter. Sometimes I wish I didn't even care about stuff like this, but this is the stuff that keeps me awake at night. Maybe I need help :)

-Kristi

10.06.2006

True Church













Written on Thursday October 5th:
Today is the beginning of a new season in my life. Take your seats everyone, I was a part of a gathering of the church tonight that I loved! No, not in the superficial way you might think like good music, cool lighting, relevant teaching and free coffee. A gathering of real people who brought their real lives to worship the real God.

I have to admit that I was terrified to even attend such a gathering. I was nervous all day. I was concerned about what people would think of me, and there is honestly a conscious wall that I have put around my heart in regards to "church stuff", in order to protect my heart from more hurt. (Yes, I know what you are thinking...Therapy is good! You are right! I already go!)

I went through all of the 1st time visitor scenarios in my head... What if I am the only one who shows up? What if I have to sit all by myself? What happens if I say something stupid? What happens if I am dressed inappropriately for this particular church environment? What if there is no one there who thinks about church like I do?

I prayed all the way to the church (an hour drive). I have felt for weeks as though God is wanting to do something unique in my heart. I ended up arriving near the church gathering 1/2 an hour early (traffic was good for a change) This particular gathering takes place in Arvada. Immediately, I realized that I was only 5 minutes or so away from my friend Krissy's grave site. I have not been there in years. (she was my college roommate/friend who died un-expectantly in 2002.) I drove over and pulled into Mount Olivet Cemetery. I passed the section of the cemetery where the babies are buried and my heart really opened up to hear God's voice. I parked, and walked across the field towards her grave. She is buried next to 2 of the victims of the Columbine High School Shootings. My thoughts raced back in time to the last few months of her life. I remember her transformation as she met Christ for the first time. I remember her amazing smile and the joy that God brought to her life in those final months. I remembered how we would sit and talk about our new found faith and how we always wanted to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. I remembered one of the last nights I spent with her as we worshipped together and took Communion at a special gathering of The Next Level Church. I walked up to her grave, and for the first time since her death felt an incredible peace. God is good! The Fall leaves were brilliant in color and the breeze a perfect effect for the moment. I feel as though I met God in that graveyard. He wanted me to remember.

I quickly left in order to be on time to this gathering. As I pulled in front of Westwoods Community Church, It struck me that this was the last place that Krissy and I had worshipped together before her death. TNL used to meet in this building. The pieces were falling into place. I walked in the door and one of my 1st time visitor scenarios came true...I was the first and only one there. I felt somewhat awkward, but didn't care. It was obvious to me that I was here for a reason, and I was!

As people gathered, I was overcome with emotion as I realized that this group of people were just like me. I met a guy named Brandon who was so nice and genuine, we talked and I realized that he is not really part of any church, but loves God and was invited to this study. Then, I met Karen who goes to Scum of the Earth Church. Others trickled into the room, including a lady who was severely disabled, a 2 year old, and many older folks among the 20 something crowd. It was an inter generational gathering of a diverse group of people who had one thing in common, Jesus. It was a beautiful picture of the church as it should be. I felt completely comfortable to be myself, it was not about image at all, and most importantly, it did not matter what you thought about God or church, it was made abundantly clear that we are all on the journey to know God more, and that is enough. No one was pretending to be perfect or have it all together. Even the teacher was upfront about his struggles and his lack of "seminary" training. In my opinion, it was a snapshot of what God intended the church to be. Although there were 40 of us, we were able to interact with one another and God's Word in a profound way.

God spoke directly to my heart... this could have been a perfect opportunity for me to judge others and judge the church, but it was so different, so real. I fell in love with the church all over again. I am so looking forward to continuing to get to know this group of people and the book of 1 Peter. There is hope! Community is so important, sometimes you just have to wait and let God lead you to where it is you are meant to be. Don't give up!

10.04.2006

A Lesson on Forgiveness from Amish Country



















All of us watched in horror as the news came screaming across the wires. 10 little, Amish girls shot execution style in the head inside their one room school house in Pennsylvania. If you are anything like me, you felt shock and deep sadness, followed by an intense anger at our messed up society. How on earth could someone commit a crime like this? Last week we watched the same thing happen here in Colorado at Platte Canyon High School. Young girls assaulted and one dead after some sicko took them hostage. I am a loyal MSNBC watcher, and today's news out of the small, Amish village in Pennsylvania was stunning. The very people whose children were murdered in cold blood were on national television forgiving the man who committed these atrocities! There was even word that the families of those murdered went to the shooters home on the night of the shootings to tell the shooters wife and family that they hold no ill feelings towards them or their late family member. Reporters were caught off guard and somewhat speechless as they interviewed these quiet, Amish people about the topic of forgiveness.

What can we learn from this unique group of people in their time of grief? A whole LOT! I am humbled by their faith.

From the Amish Website:

Question: Do the Amish consider themselves born again Christians? How would they describe their relationship to God? Do they study the Bible or use additional prayer books?

Answer: Yes, the Amish are of the Christian faith and would be born again by accepting Christ as their Savior. Their relationship to God is the same as any other Christian would relate. The Bible is the main study book. The Amish do use a prayer book in church services and some would also use this in the home.

Although they may have differing beliefs and interpretations of scripture, they seem to agree with us on the absolutes of the Christian faith. From the small amount of research I have done on this faith group, we all have some things that we could learn from these amazing followers of Christ.

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult concepts known to man. How do you truly forgive someone for hurting you? According to this community of Amish citizens in Pennsylvania, "If you have Christ in your heart, it is easy to forgive others as Christ has forgiven you."

I find myself convicted in many areas of my life where forgiveness is desperately needed. I recently read on the topic of forgiveness and pray that this quote will ring true in your heart as it has in mine...

"We hesitate to forgive when we are offended because we are sure that the other person is wrong. Forgiveness has nothing to do with who is right or wrong. Nor does it mean that we condone what that person did. It simply means that we will not let another person's sin ruin us. Forgiveness prevents someone else's action from producing hurts, wrong attitudes or sickness in us." -Pastor Ted Haggard from the book "Primary Purpose."


My hope and prayer is that those of us who follow Christ and want to be leaders in His church will really search our hearts and strive to live lives of forgiveness. This little, Amish community has given a HUGE testimony of who God is and how He can change our hearts to the entire world. I am grateful for their hearts and their words.

Please keep this community and the community from Bailey, Colorado in your thoughts and prayers as they begin the long process of healing.

For more information on the shootings at the school house in Amish Country, visit MSNBC.

9.30.2006

Are you fricking kidding me?!?!?!






You have read about my experience with church membership. And, my guess is that you have some experience with it yourself. I provided an article at the end of my last post that was recently forwarded to me as a positive reason for instituting a church membership program. I promised a personal response to this article, so here it goes...

As I read this article for the first time the other day, tears ran down my face. No my friend, these were not tears of joy, but tears of anger. My heart is saddened by the red tape that we as human beings love to put up in the church. Let me explain. I wholeheartedly agree that the church should be a place with high standards. That is what we are called to in God's Word! How we interpret that is a different story.

First of all, I LOVE this line from the article... "The church should be less like a cruise ship and more like a battleship, says Ken Sande of Peacemaker Ministries." That is fricking hilarious! I am not sure I have ever been to a cruise ship type church (except what I have heard of a new Christian cruise line on KLOVE). We should be more like a battleship? Says Ken of PEACEMAKER MINISTRIES??? WHAT?? Once again, a little confused.

Then, to go into the story of the church who had a crook in the community steal money from its congregation is PITIFUL! So, Ken is saying that the number one reason churches should have membership is so they don't get sued????? Do we as Christ Followers really view God as that small? Yes, we live in a sue happy society, but of all places, the church should be the light in the darkness willing to speak truth no matter what the cost. Honestly, is a signed piece of paper saying that someone agrees to the churches policies and bylaws going to hold up in court anyways? I have heard it said that it is always better to have a paper trail, but come on! This whole concept makes me sick!

Then, Ken speaks about our cultures resistance toward commitment. We should be leery of committing to every random organization! The problem is, the church is not a random organization. It should be a movement of people who love God and want to be a part of a mission that is bigger then themselves. If this were the case in today's church communities, then membership would be totally un-necessary!

He goes on and on then about how membership might be perceived by outsiders as elitist. Well, no crap! How would you like to walk in the door of a new church for the first time and have it made abundantly clear to you that you do not belong! Forgive the seeker-sensitive side of me. but why does the church need exclusive cliques, and why on earth would we require formal membership for a person to be able to express their faith in God and therefore serve faithfully in His church? It is LUDICROUS! Really, who do we think that we are???

I don't care what we do as a church, the front and back door as Ken says will always be revolving! That is life. We are human. Things change, and that in my opinion is good. People will come and go. It should never be about numbers! Who cares if you have the biggest church in your city? Who cares if people leave your community and go to another life-giving, Christ centered community? Praise God that people are joining the spiritual movement in your city, no matter what specific church or denomination they choose to be a part of!

All this crap about church policies, by laws and consents makes me literally want to throw up! (Can you tell I am passionate about this issue?) We as the church will die and will never accomplish anything that we have been called to accomplish by God because we will be stuck under mounds of paperwork, red tape and our butts will forever be sitting in committee meetings and membership classes. What is the point?

Will someone please tell me what the Bible or what Christ have to say about church membership?????

Basically, I feel as though I can not be a part of the "Real" church unless I go to a 12 week class, profess my faith (again, as if my baptism was not good enough) and sign on to all of the churches rules and regulations. That my friends is a sad day! As a passionate lover of Jesus, I will take no part. Now, does that mean that I wont faithfully serve my community with my time, talent and treasure? NO! That is not what that means.

How about this... What if our churches focused on their mission and calling as a church instead? What if we as leaders in the church cast such a strong, passionate vision for our communities that people would do anything to be a part of the movement? What if we actually believed the things that we hold as truth? What if our church was passionate about our local communities and making a HUGE impact for Christ? What if we actually understood the Great Commission as our primary purpose for existing? Can you imagine?

I have visited a church like this. The vision is communicated to its people every single week, on every publication and every where they look. The vision is so strong that people are literally flooding into this place to be a part of what God is doing there. As part of their vision, their people are all expected to serve. You can create that culture. People are joyful and excited to give everything they have to the cause of Christ.

If we as leaders feel like our only option to get people to step up their involvement in our churches is to require membership, then we as leaders have a BIG problem! We are totally missing the point. The church is not a random organization. It is a group of people called by God to change the world for Him. Anything less than that is a shame! When we commit our lives to Christ, that is a much bigger deal to me than signing a piece of paper that says I am a formal member of such and such church! It is almost comical when you compare the two.

Think about who Jesus himself chose to spend his time with? Were the tax collectors and lepors and prostitutes official members? Had they taken the class? Did they need to before they could be a part of Jesus? I am sure not going to argue with that. We have lost our focus!

Let us join together in prayer for our churches, our cities and for new leaders to rise up and cast vision and passion in our communities, so that the church of Jesus Christ can rise up and change the world!

9.28.2006

My experience with church membership









Ahh, one of my favorite church subjects... "Church Membership!"
When I was in either 6th or 7th grade (I can't remember) I was confirmed as an actual member of Littleton United Methodist Church!! WOHOOO!!! All I had to do was be sprinkled as a baby, take an 8 week long class about the Methodist church and visit the administration building for the United Methodist Church and walk through the campus of the Iliff School of Theology. I don't remember choosing to be a part of this class, it is just what you do when you are that age in most of today's mainline churches. Then, after you suffer through 8 weeks of horrible, cheesy curriculum, you get to stand up in front of all of the old people in the church and take this oath/covenant. I agree to support________ church with my time, talent and treasure. CONGRATULATIONS! You are a member of the church!

Disclaimer: My youth pastor was an integral part of my faith development and my life. I appreciate every effort he made and continues to make to bring students to Christ!

In 2000, I actually became a believer in the church. Yet, I was already a member, so I am not quite sure what that means. Unfortunately, I was now a member of the wrong church. So, I had to write an official letter to transfer my membership to my new church community. The funny and very sad part was that even though I was on the books as a member, I had not served that church at all with my time, talent or treasure. Again, VERY confusing!

In 2002, I joined the staff of a mega church in south Denver. In order to be on staff there, I had to take the 4 hour membership class and become a member. So, now I had to sit through the evangelical Presbyterian version of the membership class and sign the dotted line that I would serve this place with my time, talent and treasure. Well, I kind of figured that I would serve that church when I agreed to be on staff. Hmmm...

Ok, I was attending and serving at the church where I became a believer, because I wholeheartedly believed in the mission and vision of that place. This particular church did not have a membership program (yet.) I was on staff at a mega church which I loved, but was not super connected to, and I am a member.

Then, the church I was passionate about and serving at and part of the community decided to implement a "Partnership" Program (The new, hip way to say membership)
I was intrigued. So, I picked up the flyer about it and quickly realized that I did not qualify to be a "Partner" at my own church, because I was already a member at the church I worked at and I could not commit to being a part of a new Sunday night program due to other obligations. It didn't matter at all that I already served that place with my time, talent and treasure, and had for 5 years.

That was the beginning of the end for me. I felt completely left out, un-appreciated and ostracized from my own community because I was not an official "Partner." This brings me to today...

I am proud to say that I am still a "member" at the mega-church where I used to work, even though I have not attended there for 9 months, and don't intend to be a part of that community any time soon. hmmm...

Now, to the debate. Why do we have church membership? What does the bible say about formal church membership? Is this just a man made formality that we have added to the institution of church? I recently posed this question to a pastor friend. He sent this article as a reference for me to read about the pro's of church membership. Check it out...


Taking Church Membership Seriously
Why it's time to raise the bar.
An interview with Ken Sande



Membership is not all that important at our church, about a third of respondents to a recent Leadership Weekly poll said. While 38 percent said attenders were frequently urged to join, and 34 percent said the membership appeal was occasionally given, the remainder said their church placed little or no emphasis on membership. That trend, according to many experts, is a mistake, the costly result of a casual, come-as-you-are attitude.

The church should be less like a cruise ship and more like a battleship, says Ken Sande of Peacemaker Ministries. Rather than emphasizing their casual atmosphere and fun activities, Sande says it's time for churches to raise the bar, to focus on a serious mission, and ensure that every person aboard serves a vital function. To make the shift, Sande says we must recapture the importance and meaning of church membership. If nothing else, emphasizing membership can protect the church from the growing threat of lawsuits.

Can you give an example of how deemphasizing membership can be perilous for a church?
I counseled a church where an attender used his relationships within the church to persuade people to invest over $2 million with him. The money was never returned to the investors. The church leadership struggled to respond because the man was not a member. If they said something publicly and warned the congregation about his actions, they risked a lawsuit for slander and defamation of character.

The church leaders finally asked the man to leave, but said nothing to the congregation. As a result he continued to scam people in the church for another year. When the victimized members discovered that church leaders knew about the man's actions but failed to publicly warn the congregation, they in turn threatened to sue the church for failing to protect them.

Several courts have ruled that churches may not discipline people who have not specifically consented to discipline. In this case, church leaders could not publicly warn the congregation about the man's actions without threat of a lawsuit because he was not a member, and had not consented to discipline. By not emphasizing membership, the leaders were prevented from fulfilling one of their most important biblical tasks—protecting the flock.

Why are more churches no longer emphasizing the importance of membership?
First, we've given in to our culture's antagonism toward commitment and accountability. Like parents who are afraid to discipline their teenagers, church leaders are afraid they will be unpopular for emphasizing commitment and accountability.

Secondly, there is a concern that if we create a barrier at the front door to the church, not as many people will enter, and the pressure leaders feel to grow the church is enormous today. But what we don't realize is that by not emphasizing membership we may have a wide-open front door, but we also have a wide-open back door. Numerical growth is really not helped by deemphasizing membership.

Many see membership in the church as similar to membership in other community organizations. How do we help people see it differently?
It requires very good teaching, and we need to use the terminology found in the Bible rather than our culture. The Bible speaks of the church as a family, or the household of God. If we emphasize this family language it will help people see that church membership is not like joining a country club, it is about joining an organic family.

The concept of the Body is also very helpful. The church is called the Body of Christ in the New Testament, and you don't just casually amputate a thumb. In fact, if the thumb is hurting the whole body goes to its aid. This metaphor shows the commitment, the accountability, and the interdependence of the church. Church leaders need to draw these concepts from scripture and clearly teach them.

How can leaders ensure that they have protected the church legally through a membership process?
You must achieve what lawyers call "informed consent." If you can show your people know what your church's disciplinary practices are, and that they have consented to them, that is a virtually ironclad defense against lawsuits.

You can achieve informed consent in a few ways. First, maintaining an attendance for the membership class so you can prove who has received the teaching. Second, a higher level of proof is to have new members stand before the church and actually verbalize membership vows and commitments. A third level, which gives you the best protection, is a signed membership covenant.

What should be included in a membership covenant?
The covenant itself can be kept fairly simple. A statement as basic as, "I have received a copy of the church's policies of redemptive discipline, and I consent to be bound by them" is sufficient. The church needs to have their disciplinary policies outlined somewhere and accessible to members, but the covenant only needs to refer to this other document to secure informed consent.

Apart from securing legal protection, what else is vital to include in a membership process?
At my church we have a twelve-week membership course, and our first priority is making sure a person has a credible profession of faith and understands the gospel. We also cover the theology of the church, our polity, our vision, how we handle conflicts, and an understanding of church discipline. Finally, it is helpful to discuss expectations for members regarding giving, respecting leadership, and serving in the community.

The membership process will be different in every church, but it is important to treat it as a significant event. When we treat it casually it sends the message that membership is casual. We highlight membership by having a special service, a membership Sunday. It is a serious ceremony that communicates the importance of membership.

What about retrofitting? How do churches with loose membership expectations, or none at all, begin to change and achieve informed consent?
Retrofitting requires a process that may take one to three years of educating the church to think more biblically about membership. I recommend preaching from Deuteronomy where there is a restatement of the Law.

Our church did this. We said to the congregation, "Times have changed from years ago when you could have a loose relationship with the church. Our society and our laws have changed. It's time for us to renew and tighten up the covenant."

Our people were very responsive to that because we took the time to educate them. We held a congregational meeting where revised bylaws and policies were presented, along with new procedures for accountability and conflict resolution. We met in small groups to talk personally, and over several months there was a lot of dialogue. That culminated in a church meeting where the new policies and bylaws were accepted. At that time we handed out a new membership covenant to be signed.

The last thing we did, to make sure we had informed consent, was send out a letter to everyone who did not sign the covenant. It said, even though we have not received a written covenant from you, we will interpret your continued attendance at our church, beyond a specified date, as your affirmation and consent to these policies. We didn't have a single family leave the church.

An attorney and engineer, Ken Sande is founder of Peacemaker ministries, a mediation and counseling service for churches and couples. www.hispeace.org

Do you have a question for Ken? Write to us at Newsletter@LeadershipJournal.net.

Click to read Ken Sande's recent articles on church discipline.
Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Leadership Journal.
Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
April 18, 2005


Check back tomorrow for my response to this article.

Let's continue the conversation!

9.27.2006

Jesus Camp









Here we go again. Another "Jesus" movie. This time a documentary. Any of us who follow Christ need to educate ourselves on this new film that is taking the country by storm. For those of us in the Denver Metro Area, the next showing of this film is Friday October 6th.

My initial response is concern. I am all for raising children to love and fear the Lord, but this may cross some lines. I am excited to be a part of the conversation!

Check out Jesus Camp Myspace!

9.26.2006

Contrast








Shimmering drops of water rushing down stream, aspen leaves fluttering in the breeze as they display beautiful shades of green, yellow and red. A Fall breeze sweeping through mountain valleys, my hair blowing in my face and music to fill my soul blaring through the speakers. There is absolutley nothing like that experience.

Today was one of those days where you awake with the Holy Spirit beckoning you to spend time alone with the Lord. A day when you wake up and are filled with joy for no reason other than the fact that you feel truly alive.

I took a prayer journey with God today. A drive through the Rocky Mountains. I am not really sure how anyone could take the drive that I did today and not believe in God. The beauty was astounding. I found myself feeling very small, and yet more alive then I have felt in months.

Sometimes I forget how good it is to just sing to God at the top of my lungs and worship Him from the depths of my soul. There is something utterly refreshing about driving for no reason. Life is always so hurried and crazed, (especially on the road) that it is a true blessing to leave home with no destination in mind and just drive. My journey today took me up Hwy 34 to Estes Park. My love for God and my passion for His unmatchable creativity exploded as I drove through the hills. His majesty and gradeur were splashed throughout the hill sides, and around each corner was a new glimpse into the very heart of God.

I pray for each one of us who are trying to follow Christ, that we would take time to revel in His glory. As the Psalmist writes... Be still and know that I am God. There is something unique about putting yourself in a situation where you realize that He is God and you are not! I cannot even fathom the enormity of His creation. The millions of trees and the trillions of leaves, and the many creatures that roam about the massive mountains. It is crazy to even try to wrap your brain around such a concept as the Maker of the universe!







My heart breaks as I see the contrast between pure light and shear darkness. I spent the evening at a local bar tonight watching a friend play music. I so enjoy live music, yet the blatent darkness of the bar scene just rips through me. The addiction, the pain, the sin. If only the people who call the bar "home" could see that there is so much more. I found myself struggling to love those people where they are. I want to be a light in dark places. I believe that Jesus calls us to live out His light in the dark places.

So, the question is...How do we as a new generation of the church love the light and bask in it, while at the same time loving those who live in darkness? I do not want to be a person that judges others. I do not want to live my life in the ways of this world. Yet, I so desire to be relevant and love people where they are. I want to be more like Jesus.

I pray that God will use our generation of worshippers to change the world. May we live lives that are worthy of our calling. May we inspire the change that those in darkness are desperate for.

We are the ones we are waiting for!

Living every day for the beauty of the Lord,
Kristi

9.24.2006

Coming Soon...











I am totally excited and incredibly humbled to be a part of a study of the book of 1 Peter with the pastor who led me to Christ 6 years ago! Be on the look out for details of my encounters with the book of 1 Peter.

What a day!

















After being up most of the night sick, I was dreading getting up today and having to go to work. I missed going to Blue Sky, and there was just not a part of me that was joyful. As I was making myself get ready for work, the phone rang. It was my husband Nick. It was during the middle of the worship gathering, so I was somewhat alarmed.

In April 2005 Nick and his friend Dan Dalpra put out a CD called "Remember" It was a wonderful, fresh mix of songs to draw people close to God. After the album release, and selling out of CD's. Nick began to put together a band. Last December, they became the Nick Carleton Band. They have been leading worship, playing worship events and working on recording their first full length album! It has been quite the journey. For those of you who are not hip on the music scene, it is extremely expensive to produce an album! We are talking thousnads of dollars worth of equipment and hundreds of hours writing, recording, mixing, producing, etc.

It is clear to those around Nick that he has a significant calling from God. He is truly annointed to be a new voice for a new generation in the church. (How I got him to marry me, I am not quite sure) With all of that to say, it has been a long, hard road over the past 10 months. Many trials, many tears, countless late nights and lots of letdowns.

Last Friday, Nick and I went to the po-dunk, reject grocery store here in Loveland with $3 in our checking account and nothing to eat at home. We found ourselves near tears as we walked through the store and realized the severity of our poor financial situation. We sat in silence on the car ride home, as fear about our future overcame us. Here we are not able to afford food, and yet we are praying for this $470 vocal recording microphone so that Nick Carleton Band can finish their CD. We have invested all of our "no" money into the gear that the band needs to make this happen, with the firm belief that this is what God has called us to do. As of Friday, we were wondering if we were completely insane.

My how a few days can change everything! We are part of a little church plant in Loveland, Colorado called Blue Sky Church. About 150 of us meet in an old, storefront building in downtown Loveland. In the last few weeks, there has been a flood of new people coming to check out what God is up to at Blue Sky. One of these people is named Ken.

You might remember that in the 1990's there was a movement of contemporary Christian music. It was led by none other than Michael W. Smith and Amy Grant. (One of my very first CD's when I was in jr. high, I must admit!) Well, this guy named Ken was involved with these two Christian leaders, and the new found Christian music movement.

So, here we are. Are you putting the pieces together? It is September 24, 2006 and this guy named Ken is a newcomer at Blue Sky Church. Nick Carleton Band is in a funk as they have run out of resources to finish the album they felt called to record. Nick and I are dirt poor and questioning why we are even up here in Loveland in the first place...

Some people do not believe in the power of prayer. I must admit that I have my moments when I question it as well. Then, there are days like today when God answers prayers in the most profound and unexpected of ways.

Nick was leading worship at Blue Sky this morning. Ken was sitting in the community. Nick was singing. God was speaking to Ken. After the service, Ken came up to Nick and shared with him that the Lord had told him that he should give his studio microphones to Nick. So, he obeyed the Lord and gave Nick 3 top of the line studio recording microphones. These are microphones that we could never have even thought about purchasing because of their enormous value. We were praying for one $470 mic, and God had in mind much more.

As we speak, I am waiting for Nick to come home with thousands of dollars in new studio equipment, and the new Nick Carleton Band album can resume production TODAY! It is clear to all of us involved that God has ordained this album. God has a new message and a new hope that he wants to communicate through these new songs, and God is not going to allow anything to get in the way of accomplishing what He has started!

We may still be poor in bank account terms, but we are eternally rich in God's goodness and mercy!

May we join together today in Praising God for His un-failing love and His Eternal Faithfulness! Please continue to lift this project to the Lord in prayer!

Humbled once again...
Kristi

8.14.2006

Celebrating a year of the blog...
















Friends,
It has been a year of blogging fun. Just for kicks... The 1st entry ever...

Re-thinking Church

A Forgotten Generation...

July 4, 2000 was an unforgetable day in my life. I had spent the previous 20 years trying to control my own life and my own future. When all of that came crashing in on my head, I felt like there was nothing left but pieces of my broken heart scattered on the floor. I walked into a place called the Next Level Church, and my life has never been the same. It has been 5 years now that I have been a follower of Christ, and I am still trying to figure out exactly what that means. Sometimes I cannot even sleep at night, because I don't feel like I fit in with this thing we call church. I "go to" church, I "work" at a church, but what is "church?" and why do we "do" church?

My heart is deeply saddened by the confusion. Here I am, I am 25 years old, and I love Christ with all that I am. I try every day to honor and glorify Him with my whole life. I feel as though God has given me specific gifts to use for Him. Then I "go" to church, and there are thousands of people with money, all dressed up and they seem to be doing the same thing every week. They show up, they do the "church thing" and then they go home. It feels fake to me. REALLY FAKE!

Then, I sit, and I read God's Word. The two seem to contradict each other. I am confused! I feel as though I have had a pretty eclectic experience with church, and for that I am grateful. But, now I am left wondering, what is the point of it all? Is this what Christ intended? What is my role in the body of Christ? Where can I use my gifts? Do I really have gifts? Why is my generation so disconnected from church? Will that ever change? Am I abnormal? What is normal anyways? Could God use me to change this thing called church?

SO MANY QUESTIONS! SO MANY DREAMS! SO MANY DISAPPOINTMENTS!

I hope that this blog can be a place for me to think and share my questions, dreams and disappointments, and invoke authentic conversation with others who want to re-think church as well.

8.09.2006

Hater Jesus












Today was a day for the history books! Myspace.com Now has over 100 million members! As someone who watches the news too regularly, I stumbled across quite the interview tonight on MSNBC. Basically, these 4 people were yelling at each other about Jesus and what is disrespectful to Jesus. It was actually quite comical! If you are a myspacer, then you know that everything bad that is happening in the world is myspace.com's fault! (Ha ha ha) Well today's myspace atrocity is that they support people who hate Jesus! Amidst all the yelling and name calling on my TV, I thought I might as well log on. Once again, I had to see for myself what all the fuss is about...

www.myspace.com/haterjesus

Supposedly this guy has more friends than the population of the world! WOW! How did he do that? He is more popular than Tom!? This black and red page is designed as a place for people to express their hate of life, the world, politics, religion, and yes...JESUS! I find it hilarious that his top 8 friends (Bitches) include Paris Hilton, Tom Cruise, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Nick Lachey, Denise Richards and the Olsen Twins. Quite the Hollywood endorsement!

I am actually disappointed in the sight though. I thought for sure it would be more offensive and off the wall. It is actually a rather boring myspace if you ask me. Lots of comments from people expressing what they hate...blah, blah, blah!

What saddens me about this site is the song clip that is posted just above the picture of Madonna performing as if she is hanging on the cross. The song is a lovely, hymn like, tune that non-chilantly tells of how if you mess up or "sin" that God is going to Fu*k you up! Over and over it repeats these "sin" scenarios and the conclusion is always the same... God is going to Fu*k you up! Then, Hater Jesus quotes a scripture..."At midnight the Lord struck down all the first born in Egypt, from the first born of Pharaoh, who sat on the throne, to the first born of the prisoner, who was in the dungeon, and the first born of all the livestock as well. Pharaoh and all his officials and all the Egyptians got up during the night, and there was loud wailing in Egypt, for there was not a house without someone dead."
Exodus 12:29-30.

Hater Jesus then goes on to post this statement...
"Does God hate anyone? The answer is YES!"
"Dedicated to all those who hate in the name of Jesus!"

Hmmmm...Hate and rebellion seem to be the theme here.

I guess from the outside and from looking at verses such as Exodus, you might conclude that the God of Jesus is a hater. But what screams out to me about all of this debate is that only someone as radical and crazy as Jesus Christ would still be causing this much debate and controversy 2000+ years after walking on the earth. I love it!

At the same time, my heart breaks for all of these myspace proclaimed haters. I truly believe that hate comes from not knowing the truth and our own insecurities. I know that is true in my case!

I don't know why God chose to reveal his heart to me. I don't know if I ever will. I surely do NOT deserve it! I MOST definitely do not have it all together! I am a sinner like the best of em. But, I have been forgiven. I don't understand the forgiveness, but my life has been changed, and NO one can deny that!

Christians are imperfect, hypocritical people! Religion has screwed too many people! So called "Christ Followers" make use of their Wednesday evening by fighting and judging each other on cable news networks.

But...Jesus has not changed. He is still the perfect, Holy, Sinless God that he has always been and always will be. And, although I suck a lot of the time, all I can say is that I love God, I want to be like Him, I am trying, and I fail a lot. But, for some reason, He loves me just the same.

I hope for Hater Jesus that he continues to explore these thoughts and be a part of the conversation. And, I hope that someday he will realize that God is not here to Fu*k him up for everything he does wrong! That sure would be a scary and awful way to live!

To all of you fellow myspacers... Congrats on a historic day, and giving prime time TV something to talk about!

I love being a part of the conversation!

8.06.2006

Praise in the Park!












I thought I would finally go and see what all the fuss was about. Each summer I see advertisements for "Praise in the Park." Now that I live up north, today was the prime opportunity for me to do some praisin in the park of my own. I pulled up amongst hundreds of cars with the fish eating the Darwin symbol on the back, and the hundreds of people all dressed up in their finest Christian T-shirts. 2 1/2 songs into this show... I had my purse and my lawn chair packed up and was walking to my car in absolute disgust. I was somewhat questioning whether or not I was even a "Christian." I literally left feeling, angry, depressed and completely alone. It is not my place to judge these people at all. I hope that all 1000+ of them love God and serve Him. But it is NOT me! None of it is me! In my eyes, it is all a stupid, superficial show!

There was a tent where I could register to win a free "Blessing Pack" complete with a Praise in the Park T-shirt, cup and free Rockies tickets! WOO HOOO!!!! (I felt so blessed!) Then... Pastor Blah Blah Blah from the stage told me that he and Pastor Blah Blah Blah the 2nd had not blessed the publications that were being handed out to the crowd of crazy Christians. (Too bad the flyer that was handed to me was the only part of the event that I agreed with. It was an invitation to mentor troubled youth at a place called the "Matthew House.") I guess I won't volunteer there though, since Pastor Blah Blah Blah did not personally bless that flyer!

Then, there was the prayer tent, where the shiny, happy people wearing rainbow t-shirts were ready to pray with me over my sin and brokenness! WOO HOOOO!!!! I have been waiting all my life for such a tent!

Amidst the flag waving, jumping up and down, rainbow t-shirt wearing "praise", I felt totally lost and totally alone! I am thinking of starting a support group called the "All American Church Rejects!" I could be the President!

As I was walking through the crowd on my way out, I was astonished by the lack of enthusiasm in the "Worshippers." I actually walked by a woman standing alone, stooped over kindof mouthing the words to "My Redeemer Lives" while frowning. Hmmm... I am confused! I am somewhat excited that my Redeemer Lives!

I guess my whole complaint about today's Christian culture events is that they are all "us" focused! I can't imagine that one of those people there were NOT believers (although Pastor Blah Blah Blah made sure to ask that the believers in the crowd raise their hands! AHHHHHHH!!!!) What is the point of events such as this? Guaranteed that event cost $20,000+. And what is the fruit from such an event? I could not stand to be there as a believer. If I had brought one of my non-believing friends, they would have run away and never spoken to me again.

I don't know, I guess my heart just hurts. I feel like a refugee from the church who still loves Christ and loves His people. I feel like my relationship with God is just totally different than everyone else's. I just don't fit in. Now the question is why? Why did God make me like this? Or, did he not make me like this, and I am just a judgmental, angry person? I guess that is TBD. I am going to embark in a journey of prayer to search my heart and the heart of God for the answer to that question.

If any of you out there feel at all like I do, please share your story and your wisdom. What do we do? How does God want to use us?

No wonder I can't sleep :)

7.27.2006

Blue Like Jazz


















If you want to be refreshed, challenged, inspired, and be infused with hope about God, His Church and His people, then you have got to READ THIS BOOK!!!

"Blue Like Jazz"
By Donald Miller

www.bluelikejazz.com

I am humbled, amazed and thankful after reading this book. I love people who are honest and real about their own lives and about the church! This is the best book I have read in a LONG time!

7.26.2006

Simply Sleep...












An oxymoron if you ask me. But anyways, due to my health problems as of late, I have tried this was of "sleeping simply." Ha ha ha. When your mind and your heart are full of thought, worry, emotion and dreams, you might find "simply sleeping" nearly impossible. I want to document my life. I want to jump back into the conversation about spirituality and the church. I miss getting fired up about current church affairs. Yet, the thought of actually renewing my membership in church culture scares the hell out of me. Will it just be the same it has always been?

Today, I was driving in my car. I drove through the scene of a yucky accident. There were police on both sides of me along with a mangled car and people in shock on the side of the road. Naturally, I slowed way down to make sure I was not hindering the process. Well, the guy behind me was not amused to say the least. He rode my tail through the accident scene and then proceeded to speed by me as soon as possible. The thoughts in my head were these... "Stupid, Mexican, Illegal Immigrant treating me and others like crap!" Then as he sped by, I noticed his license plates said "honorably Discharged Veteran." The guilt was immediate. This guy serves my country and me, and here I am being an absolutely idiotic, judgmental, snobbish, b*%ch!!!

It is times like these when I conclude that I am why people do not like Christians. I want to change! I prayed for forgiveness immediately, but I must change!

We must change! The church must change! I want to follow Jesus. Yet, my actions speak louder than words. May we as young people who are seeking to know Christ strive to be the generation that does change. May we start with ourselves, and in turn impact change for the world!

Simply put... I love God, I am not perfect, I need forgiveness, there is too much on my plate, and yet, I am going to try right now to "Simply Sleep."

Goodnight...

7.18.2006

What you miss by being a Christian

















So, you know me...always having weird experiences. Today my husband and I were at Sams Club doing some grocery shopping. I saw a big, shiny tool box and told Nick that his brother might like something like that. So, naturally, being a man, he went right over to check it out. Inside one of the drawers was a tract. Yes, you read that correctly. On the front of the tract it says "What you miss by being a Christian." My first response, was "ha ha, someone ripping on Christians again." So, I put it down to read later for a good laugh. A few isles later, I opened it to see who produced it. Want to know what it said?!?!? HELL! That's right... HELL!











Then it lists all of the descriptions of hell from the bible. On the back side, it tells you how to make a decision for Christ to avoid going to hell and then a place where you can write these crazy people and tell them you are now a Christian because of their horrible flyer.

Crap like this makes me NOT even want to be associated with Christianity!! Who the HELL! thinks this is a way to get people to become Christ followers? Are we even concerned with leading people to be followers of Christ anymore? Or are we just concerned with getting people to pray a certain prayer so we can put another notch on our belt of people that we have saved from HELL!

I am embarrassed to be a Christian 99% of the time. No wonder people think we are total freaks!

Needless to say, I am going to write these tract producers and tell them about my experience with their tract. It may not be very Christ like :) ha ha ha.

For those of you who may not know Christ, I apologize on behalf of these people, and all of us who do not represent Christ well. Including myself! He is full of grace, mercy, compassion, love and forgiveness! Not hate! Please forgive our displays of religion, and seek Christ for who He really is.

For a copy of my response to these yahoos, just shoot me an email or comment. It is not suitable for my blog. ha ha ha.

God Help Us!