Better Questions

I heard more from the Lord last night than I have in a LONG time. Nick's parents bought us tickets to see Todd Agnew in concert. My first thoughts...Todd Agnew is one of those cheesy KLOVE artists, I have no desire to see him in concert, I am too tired and too busy to waste a week night on something like this. However, when someone buys you concert tickets, you go. So, with an already poor attitude, I went.

Needless to say, the Lord most often meets me in my bad attitudes and teaches me a lesson. Last night was no exception.

Todd Agnew was having a bad day. I mean a really bad day! The great thing about it was that he did not just put on his happy, clappy, fake Christian face and do his concert. He was real, he was honest, he was broken, he was authentic, he was raw! I connected, I engaged, I encountered God through his suffering, which in a way parallels my own.

Todd's new album is called "Better Questions." Meaning, sometimes we have better questions about God than we have answers. He posed many of those questions as part of his concert, yet his bad day invaded the script, and the real life questions began to emerge. By the end of the night, this guy was pouring out his heartache and hurt about the church, the Christian music industry and life as a believer. He even seemed on the verge of a complete breakdown.

It made me sad for him, sad for myself, and yet the burning passion I have for church change came raging through my body like a wild fire. I have not felt that in a long time. His questions are good, his hurt is valid, his concerns about the church are real.

Many people in the crowd were un-comfortable and even angry that they paid money to come to a concert where the artist did not present the typical polished show. I was thankful and moved. I sure miss being a part of the conversation. I don't understand why, but God has wired me to think like this.

I have said it before, and I will say it again, most of the time I feel like a refugee from the church. I don't feel like I fit in. I don't feel like a part. I have such a desire to serve and use my gifts, and I never feel welcomed to do so.

I am currently in a dark season when it comes to church. I just want to take a break from it all. How come I am so different? Why do I get so upset? Todd Agnew and I share many of the same questions and the same frustrations. I wholeheartedly believe that they are good questions to be asking. I only need to pray that the Lord would not allow my heart to grow cold and hard towards the church as a result.

I am looking for conversation, I am looking for others who feel the same way. I love God and I am passionate about church, yet I find myself very negative towards the church and those who call themselves the church.

All that to say, I am not a raging fan of Todd Agnew's music, but now I feel like I know his heart, and I think he is a pretty amazing guy! Thanks for being real Todd!

Boba (Bubble) Tea

I had been hearing about Boba tea for a few months now. It seems to be all the rage these days. So, I guess it was time for me to join the Boba movement. Danika and I made our way to Downtown Kansas City to visit the one and only Boba Tea bar in Missouri.

I have to admit that I am not even cool enough to know what Boba tea is. I know I am not a huge fan of tea, and when you google boba, it is very un-clear what exactly it is.

The atmosphere in this Boba Tea bar was absolutely darling. Very relaxed and felt like home. (A generational trend? I think so!) So, I ordered. I received a sealed asian cup with a monkey saying ALOHA on the front, filled with pink milk and black balls of who knows what in the bottom. I was also given a very wide straw in order to suck up the mysterious black balls.

I knew I had to be brave and try this if I wanted to be "cool." ha ha ha

The milk stuff was fine. Tasted like a gum drop. The weird black balls, not so fine. I still don't know what they are (supposedly tapioca, but I have never seen black tapioca) they were slimy and chewy and nasty!

I am proud of myself for taking part in the experience, but I guess I am not cool enough to be a part of the Boba Tea generation.

As you were...

Encountering God on I-70 East

Ahhhh Kansas! I-70 East all the way through the Sun-flower state. It has to be an adventure worth writing about. After 9 1/2 hours in the car, I have arrived in Kansas City Missouri. I am here to see my cute friend Danika. She is a part of a prayer internship out here at the International House of Prayer (IHOP).

Yesterday was a beautiful day for me. Alone. Silence. Sunflowers. Cows. Does it get any better than this? God's creation is astounding. I was blown away by the shear number of crops. They just keep going and going. His provision for us is never-ending.











I few things struck me. I witnessed a herd of cattle (100+) all walking in the same direction. There was nothing herding them or chasing them, and no destination in site, yet all of them were walking together towards something. It made me wonder why? It made me wonder how? Then, the Lord reassured me that He even loves and takes care of these cows. How much more then, does He love and take care of me!

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26

Another thing that struck me is the shear lack of creativity when it comes to the names of towns in Kansas. The border city between Colorado and Kansas is actually named Kanarado. Original! Cracks me up!

All these silly things to say, I am anticipating a great time with the Lord this weekend. I am praying that He blesses my intentionality in getting away and seeking Him. I am seeking rest and direction like only He can give.

I am also very interested in what God is doing out here in Kansas City. There seems to be a movement of His Spirit.

Enjoy your day!
He Cares,
Kristi

Sometimes doing the right thing SUCKS!!

Lately I have found myself in the middle of some difficult situations where I have been confronted with right vs. wrong.

As a person who follows Christ, scripture makes it clear that I should be defending truth in all circumstances. Unfortunately defending truth is most often un-popular, extremely difficult and even painful at times.

Today I am feeling completely beat up inside, as I have stood up for truth and been broken in the process.

I am also feeling the burden of following Christ and how others judge me for doing so.

I continue to discover the lack of importance placed on character and integrity in America, and it is really really sad!

All that to say, lesson learned today: sometimes doing the right thing SUCKS!

How He Loves

The song I have on my profile right now is just amazing. I so needed to be reminded of these things. Hope you enjoy the lyrics!

"How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan:

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your affections are for me

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yeah he loves us
Oh how He loves us

We are his portion
And he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart burns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way
He loves us

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yeah he loves us
Oh how he loves us

I needed a laugh today!

Ahh, 2 of my favorite people! David Crowder and Dan Kimball! This one is a keeper :) ha ha ha

Experiencing the Lenten Pilgrimage

I had an interesting experience last night as I continue on my Lenten Pilgrimage. I had a difficult day. I came home from work tired, sad and feeling defeated. When I feel this way, I normally plant myself on the couch and try to escape reality through my favorite TV show. I have given up that indulgence as part of my desire to create space for God in my life. I found myself tempted and torn. After making a plethora of excuses in my head, I decided I could watch TV for 30 min. (Yes, I caved.) I turned on my MTV, and it was the Real World Denver. A show I normally enjoy watching. I watched for about 3 minutes and had a moment of realization. My life has been so much better without TV. This show is crap, and not at all what I need right now. I need my Father. So, I turned it off and went to the bedroom to read His Word. He spoke directly into my heart where I needed Him to. God is gracious and patient with me. I am so grateful! I hope for all of us at Blue Sky that we are experiencing this type of renewal in our daily journey with Christ. I love this community!

The Difference... part 2

I thought that I was overwhelmed by my surrounding circumstances last week. Today, I find myself just weeping over the sadness of the world. I can not even explain how thankful I am to know God and be in a relationship with him. I can not even fathom life without him.

With today comes a new outlook on the gift of life, the gift of breath. Last night, I was able to sit with a fellow brother in Christ as he took his last breath. I heard the words of his family as they said goodbye and prayed for his entry into Heaven. I witnessed the human body fighting to hang on to life. I experienced Jesus in that ER room like I never have before. God is good. He is so gracious. My heart hurts and grieves for my friends, as they lost their loving father way too soon. Yet, a strange peace descended while watching a mortal life slip away and an eternal one begin. There are just no words.

This week has brought so much tragedy and hurt to my doorstep. I am so thankful that God can use me in my brokenness. However, my heart has had about all it can take this week.

I was able to re-connect with the young woman from my previous blog entry who is involved in a horribly abusive relationship. God had me in the right place at the right time again as I witnessed another domestic fight. I was able to bring this young woman to my home and sit and talk with her. I was able to listen and love her right where she was. She is so different from me in so many ways, yet so similar in many others. I did my best to share the hope of Christ with her. I did my best to stand up for the sanctity of life. Although I left that evening feeling defeated by the enemy, I am thankful I had the opportunity.

How does life get so messed up and out of control? Why does God allow people to hurt so deeply. How do I as His follower make a difference and take care of these people He brings into my life. I pray that God would continue to give me an enormous heart of mercy, and that He would equip me with the strength and the tools I need to serve those He brings my way.

Death is such a conflicting thing when you follow Christ. It is so very tragic and sad, while at the same time the best thing that can happen to a person. I am exhausted, conflicted, confused and sad today. But I am forever grateful for Him who has made all of the difference in my life.

Lenten Pilgrimage

The community I am a part of is going on a journey for the next 40 days. We are calling it the Lenten Pilgrimage. I am very humbled and excited to be a part of it. For the next 40 days we will be creating space in our lives for God. Please join us for the online part of the journey. I will be blogging at www.lentenpilgrimage.blogspot.com.

The Difference...

Lately, things around me have just seemed strange. Every circumstance I seem to find myself in is something that is terribly difficult for me to understand. From my previous blog about being cursed to hell for helping my neighbor, to all of this horrible talk about Pastor Ted, to the precious teenage life that was ended this week by suicide, to yesterday when I found myself in the midst of domestic violence in its worst form. As I drove the beat up girlfriend to a safe place, I was overcome with emotion and deep sadness as she told me about the reality that is her life.

She is pregnant. She is abused. She is locked at home, away from the outside world. Her mother is dying of stage 4 breast cancer and has lost her home to medical debt. She is spending her last days on earth living by herself in her car. Now, this girl wants an abortion, because she is broke, homeless and the father of her baby has a scary, violent personality. Sometimes, there are just no words. I hope that I did my best to tell this girl that she matters, that she is loved and that at least someone in the world cares about her well being.

I have continued to battle this theological debate in my head. Why I am so different. Why do I feel like an outcast? Why do I feel so hurt and upset by the state of the world around me?

Then, as I was putting on my makeup this morning and preparing my heart to worship, this simple revelation flooded my soul...

Glenn Packiam
Copyright 2006 Vertical Worship Songs:

"I am not the same
Everything's been different since the day
You came into my life

You will never change
You'll always be the Truth the Life the Way
You came into my life

Jesus you are the difference in my life
A joy I cannot hide
Savior, I'll show the world what You have done
And all that I've become
I'm not the same"

It sounds so elementary, so simple. But today I truly gained an understanding about who Christ is in my life, and that I am filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit. I am different. I am not the same. Thank God!

My heart beats for my generation today. May we be passionate followers of Christ who live differently and lead those around us to their Savior!

I am an Alien

1 Peter 2:11

"Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul."

This morning as I was leaving for work, a man from my complex pulled out in front of me and I noticed that he had a completely flat tire. He obviously did not notice, and was driving full speed ahead on his rim. I began honking and waving. At the first stop light, I pulled up next to him and honked again. He rolled down his window, and I was able to tell him to pull over. While I was telling him about his tire, the light turned green. Obviously, I did not go immediately. After about 2 seconds of the light being green I was honked at, flipped off with both hands and told to go to hell! The man I helped thanked me, and I was on my way only seconds after the light had turned green. The guy behind me continued to swear at me as he sped around me. His wife joined in the Kristi bashing as well.

All I did was try to help a fellow citizen so he would not ruin his car. And, I get cursed to hell in return. I cannot imagine driving around and being that angry all the time. What a terrible way to live your life. I don't know why I am so different. That verse from 1 Peter really stands out to me this week. I am a stranger and an alien. The Holy Spirit in me has changed my life completely. I just don't feel like I belong.

I responded to the angry driver by smiling and praying for him. I am sure that made him even more mad.

Good times in the sweetheart city :) TGIF

Everlasting God

The voice of a child is precious in and of itself. Yet, when you are able to witness a child worshipping their Maker, that is a unique experience not soon forgotten! I was privileged to be a part of last nights worship experience with Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman and Louie Giglio. If I have not said it in a while, I LOVE those guys, their hearts and their ministry! Passion






















Louie gave the most beautiful, inspiring message about How Great our God truly is! Chris followed that message with an acoustic version of his new song "Everlasting God." The little boy behind me was fully engaged in the moment, and shouted in his best singing voice a line from the chorus... "You are the Everlasting God..." My heart melted along with all of those around me. There is just something so special about a child declaring the name of God. It was so powerful! For me, children are the best worship leaders! I cry every time the kids choirs lead worship. It is beyond precious! I am reminded of God's call on our lives as His followers from Matthew 18...

"He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

Last night was a beautiful and descriptive picture of what the body of Christ should be. I was honored to stand with fellow Christ Followers and worship the God of all creation! How Great is Our God!!!

Check out these great sites...

www.christomlin.com
www.worshipfrequency.com
www.268generation.com

Frickin' Sweet Book!

It is not just "Blue Like Jazz" that is amazing. Donald Miller continues to wreck my view of God and make me think. I LOVE IT! This is a must read.